Category: Let's talk
It seems like alot of us blind people are still living with our parents at thirty and up. Why is this? Don't you have your own life? Do you just want to be a kid forever? I am twelve hours by plane from mine and we hardly have time to talk. I never thought I would be able to do this, but I'm so glad I'm not a little blind girl anymore.
I moved out of my parents' house at 19! It was the best thing I've ever done, but I just moved back in with them last January, simply because my job requires travel, and they're closer to the airport than I was living in Delaware. Besides, if I'm never at home, why am I gonna pay utilities to keep a house on?
I moved out at eighteen. and I think that someone who's living with their parents after they're early twenties better have a damn good reason for it. Otherwise it's pathetic.
I just recently Moved in an apartment with my sister Liz and well lets justsay that being in my own place rocks. I find that it's easier to have certain things such as independence, you can do whatever you want within reason, and well it's just great. I agree with GuitarGod1's post, if you're still living at home when you're in your late 20's to 30's, I hope there is a really good reason why you're not out on your own yet, such as if you're not financially stable or something of that nature.
I'm counting down the days until i could move out on my own...
*shudders* I stayed with my parents until I went away to college, but I was away much of the summer on purpose. Believe me, I will never live with my parents again. Spending a week with them is my limit. To be honest I don't totally understand why some continue to live with theirs, but for some it's probably cheaper if the college is nearby, and they probably get along with theirs better than I did with mine towards the end. And I'll admit that I probably had more problems with mine than some, so I'm not real objective.
well, i'm saving up now. I may not be living with them in a few months. my goal is by the age of 21 to have my own place.
In an attempt to offer some perspective on this subject I'll introduce the following as a partial defense for those that do still live at home with mum's and dad's. In my admittedly fairly limited experience, I've found that as often as not it is the parents that are to blame for this as much as their offspring. I think that parents, quite naturally, feel extra protective toward a disabled child and that can quite often lead to children not gaining the necessary skills to leave home because it is assume that they're not capable of handling such things as cleaning, cooking, doing the laundry etc. The trouble is that once you get into one of these grooves it becomes a self-perpetuating vicious circle because the parents don't think that the children can learn, while the children are happy not to learn as everything is being done for them, taking away any incentives to make an effort to learn.
Let me just state here for the record that my Father lives in Australia and my Mother in Spain while I live in the US, so I'm no stranger to independents myself and, like many others on this bored still do it would seem, I used to look down on people that lived with their parents into their twenties and beyond, but over the years my stance has mellowed considerably on this subject. I'm a strong advocate for people being independent and moving out of home, however I can see that their are situations where this isn't just so easy. I suppose that it's always easy to look at oneself and say, "Well I was able to do it so everybody should be able too," but in reality that is drastically over simplifying the problems that may be faced by others.
Perhaps active encouragement instead of open scorn would be a better way of trying to coax people away from the protection of their family home because after all, and I think this is a point we'd all agree on, the older you get the harder it is to learn things so if somebody still is living at home into their thirties it's going to be a pretty daunting thought the idea of striking out on your own.
I firmly believe that it is something that everybody not only should do, but actually has to do at some point in their lives because the fundamental fact is, in 95% of cases, kids will outlive their parents and if for no better reason, you have to be ready to cope on your own when that day comes.
I apologize, that's a morbid thought to finish on I know, never the less it's a valid point.
Dan.
I agree wth the last post, I am stil waiting to get a place of my own. And I hope i get it in the next 3 years. My mum is very over protective.
The idea of those who have reached or surpassed thirty and still live with their parents truly makes me shudder. It's not only pathetic and sad, but also worrysom and a little bit frightening. I know a woman who at fifty lives in a nursing home because she attended a school for the blind, lived with her parents for her entire life, never learned very basic independent living skills and when her parents died she couldn't live on her own. She is not mentally retarded or a child, but for all intents and purposes she is as bad as both, because she can't do anything for her self, cooking, cleaning, organization, networking or planning. What is worse is that she is more or less past the point of ever learning these skills because her lack of social and independent living skills have emotionally crippled and stunted her beyond belief. I see other people on the virge of such a terrible fate, especially those who have passed the age of thirty with out completing anything higher than high school, without moving out of their parents' home and with out obtaining and holding down a real job. A true psychological intrespection here, perhaps we, and I include my self in this, often feel the need to scorn and ridicule such people because they scare us so much. One often lashes out at that which they don't understand or that which scares them. I for one can tell you that such people do both, mystify and frighten me. It is not right to mock such plighted individuals, but I can certainly see wherein lies the trap that would lead an otherwise kind and empathetic individual to look down upon those unfortunate over thirties with out their own homes, a real education or job and little or no independence. As for my self, I intend to live with my mother until I have completed my undergraduate degree. I will either have found a wonderful partner with which to start a home and one day a family by that point, or will have found my own apartment in which to live while beginning my career or persuing my graduate degree. I am twenty and have, between two and four years left of study at the Crane school of music and thus will be out of my mother's house by the time I am twenty-four. And even now, I only live at home on breaks and vacations from school as I live on campus at Potsdam.
Dan and Heather you both have very good points. I suppose logically I understand what you're saying Dan, and it's likely true. I just can't quite understand it... Not sure emotionally is the right word, but it's the closest I can come. Heather, I think what you said about us not wanting to end up like those who never got anywhere is probably one of the reasons that we do look down at those that don't move out, though I think there are more reasons than that. For me at least, it was much more that my parents and I hold very different views in life (mainly religion and by extension politics), and the common attempt of parents everywhere to run their kid's life as well. Ironically my parents did raise me with the expectation that I would and should be independent as far as being blind goes. So in a way I suppose I walked away with a double dose of trying to be independent from the parents, because my parents raised me to be, and the problems I had with them.
:) I'd probably not make a good family services person. I'd probably have a knee jerk reaction to suspect the parents.
So like I said, I can logically view what you guys are saying, but I still do wonder why those individuals that stay with their parents for years don't eventually shake themselves loose.
I moved out of my parents home at aged 22 and I couldn't go back.
i do however think that you shouldn't judge so harshly without knowing the many different individual situations. I do agree with Dan's post.
Okay, while I am independent of my parents, I still live with them. What I mean is, I work, can cook, clean, and live independently from them. I live in my own self contained apartment on the back of my parents house, but they do there thing, and I do mine. I hardly ever see or talk to them as it is. I'm only living with them for monetary reasons, as my job doesn't pay me enough to totally live on my own. My mother helps! (I emphasis helps) me with my mony and I pay all my own bills. I even pay bord, or rent as some people kno it as. Yes, I do have all the benifits that blind or vition impaird people are entitled to, but where I live, housing is hard to come buy, unless I want to go into something like a group home, wich I don't want. I am actively looking for a place of my own, cause I don't want to be living with my parents when I'm 30.
While I agree with pretty much everything that's been said here, and while I have no intention of living with my mom forever (I only live with her on college vacations now, as it is), I think we're all overlooking something major here. It's not just the blind population who takes the easy way out. Many, many sighted people live with their parents into their late twenties or thirties. Some do it for convenience's sake, having situations similar to Queen Lioness Liz. Others do it because they're not financially secure enough to move out on their own. And still others do it because they're just lazy and not motivated. But I don't think we can call this a "blind thing."
To further ellaborate on the post above. I think you can't just look at someone who is, or is not, living with their parents at age 30 and decide if he or she is pathetic or not.
There are tons of factors, for instance housing prices, customs (in Italy men just live with their mothers until they get married, I don't understand it but it is practically a national tradition), financial situation, convenience, how well they get along with their parents etc.
However those who are living with their parents at 30 may be much likely to hav done nothing to gain independence or career in their lives, even if this is not necessarily always true.
I know quite a few blind people who moved out on their own when they were 18, just to prove a point. That is something I don't really understand.
Of course I get along excellently with my parents and if I were single and just moving back home I would live with them, even if I managed to purchase an apartment. I would rent it out, at least for a year to gain financial security and get acustomed to a new job or school etc.
Basically my point is that generally I think moving away from home needs to be a part of a bigger plan to become something. I have greater respect for someone who is wrapping up a university degree )or high school even) than someone who has made no attempt to find a work or school career but is living in an apartment of social security. So one has to look at the big picture. I'm very happy I decided to move away from home and attend university in the U.S. 5 hour flight away from my home country. It's the best decission I've made. But had I just studied at a local university in Iceland I wouldnot have wasted $800 a month of student loans on renting an apartment just to live on my own, unless that apartment offerred me easier access to campus or something of the sort.
I agree with the posts saing you cant just call somebody pathetic it could be for a number of reasons they live at home over age 30. For example I have an uncle who is 46 and still lives at home with his parents.
Ok? So you started to make a point, care to finish it? So, you have an unckle who at forty-six lives with his parents...? What makes that pathetic or not. You didn't prove the point one way or the other. Just because he's your family doesn't mean that he's not pathetic. If you want to use him as an example to prove a point then go for it. What's the point? Why does his particular situation prove the point of non-pathetic over thirties living with their families? Not picking on you, just wondering what your arguement was. Give us all the info.
Moved out of my moms at 19. Love it it rocks.
I agree with Dan here. Each story is different and somebody has to explore why blind people live with their parents before jumping to conclutions.
I come from Cyprus, a country very family oriented. Most people used to live with parents untill they got married but i think it started changing now. Parents with sighted children are very over prottective anyway. You can imagine now how a parent with a blind child would be lol. I was one of the lucky once but some people that i know are not indipendent at all they don't have their own oppinions and they have to ask their parents for everything. I wouldn't say that it is their folt but parent's. They made them this way. But also it might not be parent's folt because they didn't have any or enough training from somewhere of how they should rase their children as blind or disabled in general. My oppinion is that parents should have a good training and an inspector should visit the house every year to see if they are doing the right job. If they don't something should be done about it but i don't know exactly what.
I still live with my parents but for the last 5 years when i was studying i only came home for holidays and as i study in another country i was living on my own for the most of the time.
I am very greatfull to my parents because they encoraged me to be indipendent and they didn't stop me when i wanted to go abroad to study. But unfortunately it doesn't happen to anyone.
I moved out of my parents' house when I was eighteen to go to college. Occasionally I'd stay there over the summer or for Christmas break. But I agree with Dan's post; I think it all depends on the circumstances surrounding the situation. I love the fact that I have the skills and independence to live on my own, but I know every situation is different.
i am 14 and not yet exactly planning my move out, but i am looking forward to it, i plan to move out when i'm 18 like pretty much every other sighted person in this country, and i agree with dan here, it does depend on that person's life, but if you hav no reason, and if you're just lazy then i do think of you as a bit... hmm, whats the right word, well, who's to say that you're not ready for your own place, its just laziness holding you back, then that's less then ok, i dont know if this is making sense, my is raising me in the NFB who believes in independence, and i'm gladd they are, because i can do laundry, cook, clean, organize, whatever, and my parents havent really been that protective of me, because i have two older brothers and if they didnt let me do what they did i would get mad and do it anway, so i guess they learned their lesson
oh yeah, I'd deffinitly be out if money wasn't tight. I won't go back over it, cause I've posted before.
I've been out on my own since I was 18, due to being in university, and lived with adam since I was 19. It's worked out really well actually, and I also don't know how one can live with their parents for so long. Sure, if you're in school and it's cheaper and things, but beyond that, what's wrong? I duno though, because some people do have over protective parents, but still, there's a point in one's life where enough's enough. Anyway, just my 2 cents.
Hi,
Some sighted people live with their parents because they're disabled, though not necessarily blind. My best friend's uncle is a prime example. He died a few years ago, but when he was alive, he still lived with his mom. His legs were useless and he had to be in a wheelchair ,or get help from people, at almost all times, because he was in a car accident and the car rolled over him when he was 17. So, he could use his hands, but that was about it. Someone had to help him shower, go to the bathroom, all of that. So, he just found it easier to live with his parents. My best friend's cousin, on the other side of the family ironically, stays at home and I doubt she'll ever leave. Her mom's back is really bad and so she chooses to stay home to help her mom out, rather than pursuing her dreams of college, travel, a man and a career. Her brother on the other hand, is younger than her and he's lived on his own for the last few years, only moving back home when money was really tight. Shannon, the girl I spoke about who lives with her mom, is in her thirties and she's sighted. Her younger brother Ted, is in his late 20's. So, I believe,there can be many many factors why people choose to continue to live with their parents. I've personally been on my own since I was 19, but I had an abusive family and needed to leave. I've had to almost consider moving back in with my mom though, because I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and my energy level's been so bad before that I can hardly take care of myself. Fortunately, I've been able to get help from my fiance Herbie and PCA's during those times, so that I don't have to move back. But I believe you're all right in saying that a lot of blind people's parents have made them maybe more disabled than they otherwise would have been, if they'd had a supportive parent from the start willing to help teach them how to live independently.
Take care,
Dawnielle
Some of the language on this topic is quite hartless, and frankly disappointing. It would seem as though you are looking to riddicule those who do live with their parents after thirty, and believe it to be a blind issue. As I am eighteen I am not going to comment on the issue of why or why not or anything of that matter itself, but I'm going to say one thing, which is very old fascioned-sounding, but I've believed this for a very long time. You can have multiple of everything else in the world, but you only have one set of parents. It's right and fine to want independents, but do not upplay it too much so as to be disrespectful. A bit of reverence wouldn't go amiss for some folks on this topic.